EXAM PREMIER LEAGUE

1:40pm: A warm summer afternoon, a crowed corridor, the atmosphere tense, books flipped, views exchanged, the only time of the year when the student gangs discuss actual subject content! No point for guessing it’s the EPL, the less glamorous version of IPL, except it is not a team work during the final trials. I walk through the haphazard crowd, making sure I do not stamp any students on my way to room X. I enter the room, place the booklets on the table and open the windows of the room for the air circulation as within the next 20 minutes the room will be occupied by 40 hard workers who slogged throughout night resisting their urge of not watch exciting matches of the FIFA world cup!.

1:45pm: I place individual booklets on the allotted seat according to the B-form given. B-form is a list of roll numbers where the students have to write their booklet number and signature and it is a proof that they were physically present for the exams. Once I finish arranging them, I go through the instructions which are to be given to the students prior to their exam; it’s usually the same for examinations all over India. I glance at my watch 1:50pm, time for the students to get inside the room, I ask them to do so, some of them vigorously turn pages as their life depend on it, others open up their bags dig in and bring out the usual stationary, calculator, id card and the hall ticket. The next 5 minutes goes into reflection, examination sure brings out the God in the atheist! I read out the instruction, they hear it with no interest.

1:55pm: The booklet consists of 40 pages, in the first page the students need to fill the examination i.e. BE, their University Seat Number, the semester, the branch, the date, the exam they are going to attend, the subject code, their signature, the room invigilators signature (which they do not fill but I do), the set of instructions and the space to draw the diagonal lines. The diagonal lines are drawn in specific boxes against questions to which the answers are attempted. The second page has the detailed set of instructions including those on malpractice. The third page on is the space to write and the 40^th page is for rough work. The external examiner usually from other college provides the question papers. Usually there is combination of various branch students in a single class so there will be three-four different set of question paper.

2:00pm: The bell goes off and I distribute the question paper and the next 5 minutes is spend on browsing through the content of the black and white powerful piece of paper which in a way is going to decide the future of the studentkind! The tension eases in some and others shake their head in disbelief, the testophobics nervously chew on to their fingers or pen tip in an optimistic hope that the college get raided by group of extraterrestrial this moment and the exam gets cancelled but trust me sadly it never happens. The journey of writing begins…

2:05-2:30pm: In India, there is a system of being non-punctual and the trend applies even for exams. I walk around in the class checking out that all of them have received their papers and make sure their first few moments are smooth. At 2:15pm, a tensed girl enters my class and searches in total desperation for her seat and looks at me and stops and I ask “which paper do you want?”Girl “Ma’am…8^th sem...”I knew she was nervous to the core as I could barely hear her through her shivering and stammering. “I know your in 8^th semester, which paper do you want” She looks at me as though I just pulled her oxygen mask and I could literally see her going blue and I tell her “breathe, calm down!!..Relax” In a moment she manages to bring her cardiac beats to normal and says “programme language”. I give her paper and show her where she has got to sit. It made me realize one thing that testophobia prevails through out the life span even if you might have written like 100 exams before hand. Once the agitated class relaxes, I go around with the B-form and collect their signature, sign on their booklet and hall ticket and ensure all the entries are made, in most cases they write wrong date and forget to sign which is rectified. So the first 30 minutes goes in setting things in order then the colossal of boredom over takes for the next 2 hours, not for the students but for the invigilator and that’s me in this case.

2:30-4:30pm: Life is quite strange, 2 years back I was among the ‘writer species’ and now I am walking in the room doing invigilation. When you have lot of time to spare you become a philosopher and I guess it’s the same with me, so what do I do to kill time is the million dollar question, well I do little statistical survey of the room. This idea to kill time was first suggested by a senior colleague of mine. If I had to write a repot it would go like this: There are 40 students in the class, the male: female ratio is 1:1, 20 boys and 20 girls (I am reminded of ‘Sarva shiksya Abiyan’, where the government appeals for rights to education to all despite of their sex and with this ratio I am impressed that it is implemented at least in this class). The favorite colour of the class is blue as out of 40, 15 of them have worn some shades of blue. The next is the sense of clothing, I am not a fashion analyst but most of them during exam time are not bothered how they look. The guys have the ‘I just got out of the bed look’ and girls do not feel the need to apply make up around their dark circles developed due to night outs. The next focus is on the footwear, out of 40, 27 of them wear shoes and the rest 13 wear sandals. The sandals vary in their colour, texture and size of course. The shoes interest me the most as the versatility is known. The usual brands like Reebok, Adidas, Nike, Converse etc, so I check out for the brands and the winner in today’s class is Nike as 15 of them are wearing them! The other accessories are also noted such as ear rings, watches, strange bracelets etc. Though one can engage themselves fully in the statistical analysis it can last only 30 minutes maximum. The next thing is to wait for the attendant to bring coffee or the reliever to come to the class. The reliever is the one who gives you 10 minutes of freedom from solitude walk. The times is used for visiting the rest room, taking bag out of staff room and bring it to the exam hall. You cannot escape as the reliever keeps track of time. The attendant brings you a steaming cup of coffee in the smallest cup possible.(I am not joking, the cup barely contains 15 ml, by the time it goes down the throat it disappears).No complains as it remains the sole source of glucose for the sunny noon. The order of who comes first doesn’t matter but it gives you a hope that you’re waiting for someone and time is passing by. The other time pass one can do is supply water to students, this works only in summer, during exams in winter its not applicable. All these things work only till 3:45pm, when mind starts getting restless, organizing thoughts is another way of killing time for eg:I keep thinking if I had some supernatural powers I could have watched movies in my mind without disturbing the writer’s out there, but sadly like ET that too never happens. I keep walking in the empty spaces between the seats, looking at what they write, most of which I do not understand as I am a life science person, not an engineering, the hands and mind move in coordination. Sometimes the students stare at my face continuously as I walk and I think that may be they feel answers are written on my face, whatever it may be, if it helps I don’t mind them giving blank looks. In between all the organized chaos, external squad visits twice and ensures students do not malpractice.

4:30-4:50pm: The restlessness grows further because the regular time to exit college is 4:10pm and it keeps popping in some corner of the brain. This is the time when the watchless students keep asking time.I do announce time every hour but I guess the examination affects their hearing temporarily. I was never a sports person and so I begin to feel tired due to continous walking as we aren’t supposed to sit. The students occasionally call me to sign for change of ink. You know a paper is tough when you see the following events during the due course of examinations

- Students tend to stare at their hall ticket (probably they calculate how many back papers they will have if they include the current one)

- Students keep playing with their pens, hair ,nails, shift positions too many times

- Students cancel out 1 answer more than 3-4 times

- They write too much for 1 answer, its usually the same thing over and over again

- Students leave the hall within one hour

4:50-5:00pm: The time when the earth revolves faster than usual and I keep up my pace and give them final set of instructions to make sure they write question numbers, strike out excess page, draw diagonal lines in first page etc. The bell at 4:50 brings many back out of sleep and they spring out like a brainwave hits them and write the entire 10 minutes. At 5 its time up and they usually don’t take extra time as three hours of imprisonment is sufficient! I collect the books and walk out

A relaxed evening, a crowed corridor with the hustle bustle, dialogues fly out ,“I will pass” “machha..wait for me!” “who set this question paper…” “match nodidiya”(I guess they didn’t miss the FIFA match), “aree yaar, shit I didn’t write it..”. I walk through the crowd remembering the memories of the most unchanged experience of one life even with the fast moving pace of time “The Examination”

WHY DO I LOSE MOBILE?

I have been a mobile user from the past 3 years and in that span I have lost 3 mobiles!!! And believe me I don’t lose things that easily, so I decided to write a blog as a tribute to my lost cell phones

Mobile 1: The final year of MSc, all are busy preparing for the last exam i.e. the viva voce of the final year project. We were called into a room to give instructions and our respective bags were placed outside the room. After which we departed to our allotted rooms for viva. After finishing my viva smoothly, I decided to give a call to Aunt L about my great achievement! And I dig into my bag only to find my mobile missing. The next 30 minute were spent by my friends in searching the mobile in the entire college campus. Alas! I wasn’t destined that way; I lose my mobile 1, a Nokia 1100 and am sad that I lose it. The next step is to retrieve the same number which is as follows:

Step 1: Go to a nearby police station, they have a template ,write a story using the same template, which briefly states that on my way from place 1 to place 2 the mobile fell from my pocket along with the sim (this is their actual pattern for everyone who lose their mobile)

Step 2: Take a photocopy of the letter and 1 is filed in police station, the other is given to customer care of your network and then they give you your number

Step 3: Buy a new mobile, use social networking to get back all the lost numbers of family and friends

Mobile 2: I am at home it’s the lovely monsoon of the coast, after talking to a friend I place the mobile in the telephone desk and after around 3 hrs when I decide to check on my pj’s, I cannot find it, search begins and no one knows where it is, I thought of all extreme possibilities where it would be some of which were- Jadoo (the alien in Koi Mil Gaya)-because he is active in daytime, my brothers and their pranks, evil spirits, Day time robbery etc. The three steps were carried out meticulously. It was a Nokia 1600.

Mobile 3: I am walking very briskly as I have to catch a bus home, its night and it’s a crowded bus stop and the cool atmosphere puts a pressure on my kidneys which in turn on my bladder and so I got to pee. I move to the rest room which is one of the filthiest place but one has to do what has to be done! Unfortunately my mobile slips and lands up in the gutter and I stand there and think -goodbye mobile I will miss you…I do know what awaits after this which is series of laughter from family and friends. By the way no one is really sad that I lose mobile! It was a Nokia 1650

The steps are not followed as I change my number, well step 3 is still valid, but during one of the gang meeting of my pals, (which I couldn’t attend) 5 minutes of condolence was offered to my mobile with continuous laughter and bad jokes!! So I am just about finishing my blog when I receive a message in my mobile which is from Dillz “Hi dear, cell loser, how are you?”

So the question arises again why do I keep losing mobiles? My brother has a simple answer he says “Stop buying Dabba cell phones”.!!!

COUNTRY COUSINS

Situation 1: Bhat’s residence, a fun filled evening, “So why do you give her money, when you know she spends it!!” Aunt S asks me surprisingly. I reply instantly “She is my younger sister; besides I don’t mind giving money because I myself do not spend much”. The Confused Gemini smiles nodding her head in agreement.

Situation 2: “What time is that boy coming home?”a tired Aunt L wiping her face looks at me with a hope that I say within the next 10 seconds but even I am not sure if that is ever gonna happen. I speed dial Big V (of course he is small V to me!) “Yo! What time shall I expect your arrival- standard or the V time” He mumbles something and I know its time to act, I mentally calculate some time considering the heaviness of his dialogue and my intuitions and reply “in an hour or so, probably coz”…and there goes another cock and bull story. Yup Big V indeed was the reason I got the nick name “V’s lawyer”

So I am writing this in the fond memory (they are not dead) of two of my bloody cousins…I mean my blood related cousins without whom my life wouldn’t have been so wonderful ;-) The major coincidence is the fact that both of them are of the same age and do know every intelligent and stupid moves of my life!

Confused Gemini (CG): I could actually write a biography about her life, she is practical, animal loving, Salsa dancing, dirt biker adventurous gal whose soul aim is to enjoy life the way it goes, jack all trades and master of business (she’s done her MBA).CG as the name suggests is confused most of the time as she keeps multitasking many things at a time and lands up somehow completing them. An apt listener who can at times speak words of wisdom wiser than her age. A fellow blogger who introduced me to the world of Blogging. J

Big V: I can talk about anything under the sun and moon (coz most of our talk were at night during exam times when I get bugged from reading and disturb him with my constant chit chats and he would manage to reply in few hmms and ok and at times also reply more than that).He always manages to get his work done using his puppy dog face! (He’s a grown up version of the tare zameen par kid, who keeps dreaming).He manages to get on my nerves at times by playing pranks. He lives life Kings Style. I wish you all the best to your future adventure J

BEHIND EVERY TEAR, A LAUGH HIDES!

‘A lot can happen over coffee’…this quote is seen in most of the romantic novels or advertisements of coffee, but this blog isn’t about the romance, it’s about interpretations of actions that are irrelevant bringing about a downpour of consequences (I though I should use some heavy words in my blog).Coffee place just happens to be the spot where friends hang out (includes the serial F.R.I.E.N.D.S). One such hangout is most memorable to us (me n Appu) where we nearly died of laughing and I had told her that this will definitely be one topic I will be blogging about. So the story unfolds like this: {font is changed to give some effect, if you don’t feel it, fake it!}

“One summer noon in the month of March, when I had come down town, my mother asked me to attend some pooja in Mangalore and though I was reluctant in attending it, the thought of a reunion with my pals was more appealing that I agreed to attend it, with the condition that I have quick lunch and leave early so that I could meet my pals and she agreed. So I finish with all the ‘I don’t know who your’ smiles to relatives (I didn’t know some of them were related to me, but they sort of knew my biodata) and hurry towards the café coffee day where my friends awaited me for the past half hour, as I start my brisk walk towards them, I notice their expression, Appu-with the evergreen smile on her face, Adopted Son-I hope she doesn’t comment on my weight loss look, Dillz-‘I have so much of work to finish, can’t she for a change be on time’ look and of course I did miss the other two gang members Jos and SK, after the casual hi and wassup, we settle down and then individually start the autobiography from the point where it was left in the last meeting(though we do the swearing and cursing over the phone but live meeting is always better),we order some exotic coffees and realize they have only two kinds available, what the heck! We order what ever is available. As we sip on our coffee and talk total nonsense Dillz announces that it’s her first time in a Café coffee day (let me make it clear that she is not from a remote village who has never been to a Coffee house, its just that she didn’t visit one) . Appu and I cook up some story of how your first coffee house visit should be.(romantic, friends spying and throwing popcorns used as keywords in story–as you see in some crappie bollywood movies) .Asaf makes a comment about something quite irrelevant(as he thinks) but isn’t considered so by us and that point of time ,I swear, both me and Appu laughed our lungs out!!!!It was a solid half an hour continuous laughter, with tears rolling down from our eyes and people around giving us confused look. Asaf and Dillz kept asking why we were laughing so badly, we just couldn’t respond …

Though the matter was utterly stupid and trivial, every time I think of that incidence, it brings a smile on my face; I remember it as the day I cried because of excessive dose of laughter ;-)